Social Justice

I’m so excited today. One step closer to social justice. Marriage equality. SCOTUS makes it true…Friday, June 26, 2015.

For years, I’ve referred to Tom as my life partner. We’ve been married for 34 years. But my “life partner” statement was a political statement.

I would see people flinch or frown when I referred to my life partner. Those people were wondering if I was unmarried but living with someone…lesbian and with a woman…

I wanted those people to wonder. I wanted those people to be uncomfortable and many many of them were… And still are, as recently as a conference presentation in February 2015. The fact that I believe in marriage equality and all angles of social justice.

I promised to never refer to Tom as my husband – until marriage equality ruled throughout the U.S. Now I guess I can’t rattle cages anymore on that issue. But I will figure out how to mention the issue nonetheless. And I will continue rattling cages on other issues.

12 years ago – Massachusetts, December 2013: The Supreme Judicial Court found for marriage equality. The first state to take such action. (By the way, while listening to NPR a week or so ago, I learned about the Massachusetts constitution, which preceded the U.S. Constitution. The Massachusetts constitution focuses on justice and equity. And according to the state’s constitution, the Supreme Judicial Court focuses on securing justice. The U.S. Supreme Court focuses on the constitution, not justice. Thank heavens, SCOTUS’s findings periodically demonstrated justice…for example, in marriage equality and interracial marriage and a other things sometimes.

To my dear dear friends…whether gay or straight. To my progressive colleagues…straight or gay. We have so much to celebrate. Congratulations to us all.

One more moment of justice.

Sunday, June 7 is a critically important day for those who believe in social justice. We will celebrate an important historical milestone in the reproductive rights movement…the 50^th anniversary of Griswold vs. Connecticut.

On June 7, 1965, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that married couples had the right to privacy in making medical decisions about the use of contraceptives. This landmark decision legalized birth control on a national level, and opened a pivotal door for the expansion of vital reproductive health services for women and their families across the nation.

I’m proud to be a board member of Planned Parenthood of Southern New England (Rhode Island and Connecticut.) It’s my honor to serve as Board Chair, 2014 – 2016. And I give to PPFA, too.

Here’s part of what our CEO, Judy Tabar, shared with the PPSNE Board of Directors:

“It was the arrest in 1961 of one of my predecessors, Planned Parenthood League of Connecticut executive director Estelle Griswold along with Dr. Lee Buxton for counseling and providing patients with birth control that set this historic case in motion.

“While we have made phenomenal progress in the past 50 years, we still have a long way to go before all women can fully realize the rights that were won with the Griswold case. Troubling health disparities persist across race and class lines in our society. The United States still has the highest teen pregnancy rate in the developed world. Yet just as all those involved in the Griswold case knew they could make a difference, I know that we too can – and are! – creating positive change.

“Let’s imagine 50 years from now when we celebrate Griswold’s 100^th anniversary. By then we can erase the health disparities that currently exist among young women, low-income women and women of color. Together, let’s continue building a future where everyone can access the information and services they need. Let’s build a future where all women, men, and teens can fully pursue their dreams, wherever they may lead.”

Thank you, Judy, for these important words.

I see Estelle’s photo in the lobby of PPSNE corporate headquarters whenever I’m there. I smile and thank her. And I thank all the donors and volunteers and staff who fight for reproductive rights and justice everywhere. All this is part of social justice.

I’m on vacation. Reading today’s New York Times on line.

Two big themes: Marriage Equality and Racism.

I worry about the Supreme Court’s decision about marriage equality. (That’s what it is, equality!) And the Supreme Court “put an end” to racism decades ago. But “we the people” can’t seem to get it together.

The words in the NYT say it all…so much better than me:

• Editorial: A Landmark Gay Marriage Case at the Supreme Court
• Editorial: What Came Before Baltimore’s Riots
• Op-ed: Love, Marriage and Music

And the news articles, too:

• Gay Marriage Arguments Divide Supreme Court Justices
• Crowds Scatter as Baltimore Curfew Takes Hold

I’m deeply sad for the United States. We simply cannot create social justice. We continue to struggle – our institutions, our governments, and our people – with social justice. So many human beings – whether in the U.S. or elsewhere – continue to fear those who are different. Too many human beings – everywhere – call on a god or goddess to claim righteousness.

I am so sad.

“Sarcasm and subtlety are wasted on the easily confused.”

That statement resonated with me.

I was talking with a high school teacher, a debate coach.

I don’t remember what we were talking about. But the context was likely social justice. Things like racism and sexism and socioeconomic rights and … Well, you get the gist.

• Subtlety….The quality of being subtle. That’s what the dictionary says. I get so annoyed with definitions that use a form of the word for defining. But the definition goes on to mention synonyms like: delicacy, understatedness, nuance…
• Sarcasm….The use of irony to mock or convey contempt. Synonyms include cynicism, scoffing…
• Confused…Unable to think clearly. Bewildered. Befuddled. Puzzled. Perplexed.

Of course, you’re wondering where I’m going with this. And I’m not really sure. I just really like the statement.

But, maybe I could apply this sometimes…. Like with a group (e.g., board or committee meeting, trying to make a point with a client, trying to agitate in a presentation…in an article…as a headline for a blog or something….???!!!)

So here are some examples that I worked on to utilize the tool of “sarcasm and subtlety are wasted on the easily confused.” Of course, the challenge of this is, as Dr. Albert Mehrabian tells us, communications is only 30% of what you say. The other 70% is voice, tone, face, gestures, huge tacky rings, etc.

• “I’m so tired of whiny people.  (I’m being really sarcastic!) People should just pull themselves up by their bootstraps and earn their way in life.” (Sarcasm again. I’m so pissed at this sentiment. Just read the book The Self-Made Myth: And the Truth About How Government Helps Individuals and Businesses Succeed by Brian Miller and Mike Lapham.) Actually, a fair amount of people believe that those other people should just “pull themselves up.” Easier said than done, I say. 

• “I’m not so sure there’s a glass ceiling anymore. Black people and women are CEOs of big companies now.” (Indeed, there are CEOs of big companies who are black and female. But not very many. And, according to research, women continue to bump into the glass ceiling. And women are still paid less than men for the same work. And and and …) I’m thinking this statement is pretty subtle. And I sure am being sarcastic.

• “I often wonder about men who choose to stay home and care for children. I wonder if they just couldn’t get a good job. I suspect that the wife earns more money than the husband made.” (What?! Maybe the guy is married to a guy. And one husband wanted to stay home with the kids. And the other husband wanted to work outside the home. Or both wanted to stay home but they needed an income so they drew straws or talked and voted or or … Or maybe the guy is the nanny…Or maybe there’s no marriage involved…Or…)

I use quite a bit of sarcasm myself…in life and in work. Mostly, I don’t think I’m too subtle. But maybe sometimes I am. I think I’m rather subtle (maybe not the right word) when I keep using “life partner” instead of “husband.” I watch the faces. And people do tell me that they wondered if I was married, living with a man but unmarried, or a lesbian… And that’s exactly what I want them to wonder!!! For all kinds of reason, which, if you read any of my blogs or articles or books or hear me present… You know that I do this on purpose to make a statement about social justice.

Okay. Off to work. But first, thanks Aaron. You made me think. And I really do like that statement, “Sarcasm and subtlety are wasted on the easily confused.”

Here I am, another blog today. But how could I resist?

Today, April 14, is Equal Pay Day… “the day selected each year by the National Committee on Pay Equity…to draw attention to how much longer women must work to earn what men earned in the previous year.”

• John Kennedy signed the Equal Pay Act in 1963…Back then, women earned 59 cents on the dollar paid to a man in the same kind of job. By 2013 (most recent data), women were paid 78 cents on the dollar.
• Progress? Actually, according to the article, “stalled” is the appropriate term.
• But really? This is called gender bias. There isn’t any other reason. Even when we’re trying to be aware and conscious, we’ve been socialized to be anything but.

Another April 14 reminder. The year was 1865. Abraham Lincoln was shot. He died April 15. That would be the Civil War. The fight against slavery.

• Progress? Sure. No more slavery, so to speak. The Civil Rights Movement.
• But racism still exists…for people of all colors but white here in the U.S. of A.

Justice? Not really. Racism. Sexism. Homophobia. Socioeconomic injustice.

We don’t have equality. We don’t have equity. The two are different and we have neither.

Let’s keep fighting.

“Justice is merely incidental to law and order.”

Thank you J. Edgar Hoover. I find that statement ugly and horrifying… And I’ll fight you and your kind forever.

“The audacity to fight for justice. The perseverance to win.” 

From NCLR, the National Center for Lesbian Rights. I find that beautiful and wonderful and inspiring. I joined that fight a long time ago. And we’re winning.

Have you read my book (co-authored with Tom Ahern) about nurturing relationships and communicating with donors … all in a donor-centered manner … in order to keep your donors? After all, loyalty is the Holy Grail of Fundraising. (Thanks, Roger and Tom, you agitators!)

Have you read the final chapter, Philanthropy’s Moral Dilemma? Available in the book. And available in my Free Download Library.

Here’s what a Connecticut colleague said about the book:

“While your donor-centric world view greatly influenced me, it plays a poor second to your barely-below-the-surface passion for social justice. I admire what you wrote in your book Keep Your Donors on the topic. That you had the guts to write about it at all. Especially in a book that philanthropists of all political stripes would read, on a topic about the mechanics of growing philanthropy.

“God forbid you should write anything that isn’t carefully neutral, studiously focused on charity and on praising change generically and innocuously…. I was inspired by your willingness to let a part of your passionate self get captured in black and white – a part that most believe could alienate a decent portion of your customer base.”

One of my favorite magazines is the Nonprofit Quarterly. I love the print publication and the daily online feed.

You probably think this magazine is all about the nonprofit sector. You know… things like fund development and governance and planning and budgeting and ethics and marketing and… You’re right. But not only those things…

NPQ also writes about what’s happening in society and what the nonprofit sector could SHOULD be doing about what’s happening. Things like public policy and advocacy and political action.

• NPQ writes about Ferguson, Missouri (that race thing if you don’t follow the news in the U.S.) – and the other Ferguson-type stuff like Trayvon Martin and NYC and and . NPQ writes about racism.
• Because if the nonprofit sector – and every single NGO – doesn’t have some concern about racism and poverty and government and public policy … Then why does this sector exist? If every single nonprofit is not interested in what’s happening in society … not just the nonprofit’s tiny part of society … then how can this sector matter all that much?

So read this article. EVERYONE read this article, “Teenager’s Murder Conviction Vacated – 70 Years Too Late,” written by Shafaq Hasan, from USA Today. Learn about the youngest American ever executed, 14-year old George Stinney, Jr.

• Share this article with everyone you know. Your friends and family and and and ….
• And remember that a publication serving the nonprofit sector – serving the professionals and volunteers working in the sector – writes about racism and other societal issues….. with the hope that nonprofits are doing something about it. With the hope that the NGO sector will stand up and speak out.

Do you subscribe to NPQ? Think about joining up in 2015.

And speaking of racism… Read “We Want Real Justice, Not Dead Cops,” by Carl Gibson and Binta Baxter. Posted on 12-24-14 by Reader Supporter News.

• And read the piece from Kareem Abdul-Jabar, “The Police Aren’t Under Attack. Institutionalized Racism Is.”
• And here’s another stunning piece about white privilege and racism… what white people do NOT have to tell their white male children.

Today is Thanksgiving in the U.S. But still I went into my office to do a bit of clean up before heading out to the wonderful Feist/Cornell family with moms and dads and the delightful and special kids, Merlin and Forrest.

I checked the New York Times online. Read Charles Blow’s column about Ferguson. And I was so angry and sad. So I’ve spent about 1 hour writing the email below to Mr. Blow…and to Mr. Kristof.

And now, I’m sharing with you, my reader who read Simone Uncensored – social commentary.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Dear Mr. Blow… And Mr. Kristof, too.

“We the people” must add together Mr. Blow‘s column “Fury After Ferguson” and Mr. Kristof‘s 4-part column“When Whites Just Don’t Get It.” (Read all four parts!) Maybe then “we the WHITE people” will get it.

But I doubt it. Too many people don’t understand unearned privilege (Dr. Peggy McIntosh and her writings). As I always say: “I’m a white, heterosexual, well-educated, affluent woman. I win except for gender. Because it’s a disadvantage to be a woman in every country in the world, including the U.S. But because I was born white and heterosexual, and I’m well-educated (thanks mom and dad) and affluent (partly due to all that unearned privilege previously mentioned!), I win. I win except for gender.

And, I find my winning to be appalling and angering and I sure as hell do feel guilty. (By the way, I love to watch people flinch when I say my of unearned privilege. I can work it in to just about any presentation. I write about it. I use it in my consulting. And I listen but certainly respond when white people tell me they don’t have privilege and men tell me they don’t have privilege. But some people do get it. They recognize my privilege and their own. They’re pleased that I’m speaking out.)

I fantasize about a world where everyone understands the nature of their own personal (unearned) privilege. My fantasy includes everyone recognizing that we shouldn’t talk so much about “disadvantage” but rather talk about unearned privilege. We can make more progress that way, with that acknowledgement and that conversation.

As you say in your column, Mr. Blow… And I’m paraphrasing and adding my own spin to your thoughts: What the hell do the advantaged/privileged expect to happen but violent revolution when we privileged continue to ignore (or only modestly recognize) what’s happening?

• How do we expect parents to explain to their children to “find a police person” when you’re lost or hurt or need help. But be careful, my son, because you’re a black male. Walk slowly towards the cop. Keep your hands visible at all times. Make sure you don’t have anything that might be construed as a gun — maybe a bottle of water in your hand or a bulky snack in your pocket. And by the way, don’t ever wear a hoodie. And don’t be too tall or too big or too black or or…
• How do we expect our LGBTQ neighbors to live? Deny your sexual orientation. Hide it as best you can. Be careful about the pronouns you use. Because…Well…You know. You’re just too different. And different is dangerous. And gods and goddesses might not approve of you. And…
• And if you’re a woman…Let’s see…The U.S. is something like 82nd in the world when it comes to the number of women in the federal legislature. Women are still paid less than men for the same work. Any profession dominated by women has lower wages. And, yippee…Facebook will now pay to freeze your eggs? Wow.
• And class… Money… The rich. What middle class? And the poor. And tax rates that are less for Warren Buffett that his secretary! (And Mr. Buffett is appalled but the U.S. Congress isn’t.)

John Rawls (in his book A Theory of Justice) tells a story that Warren Buffet paraphrased and I paraphrased again and others do, too, I’m sure: “Imagine that it’s 24 hours before you’re born. And a genie appears to you and asks, “What rules do you want in the world when you’re born… rules to apply to you and your children and your grandchildren. But you don’t know if you’ll be born white or black, rich or poor, male or female, heterosexual or homosexual… What rules do you want in the world?” I want a world where it doesn’t matter. The rules (and the behaviors) are the same for everyone.

We create our world together. And we in the U.S. have created together a classist, rich/poor, homophobic, racist, sexist society. And the privileged must fight for those our society has marginalized. Marginalized on purpose. Marginalized because we don’t understand and recognize privilege. Marginalized because we’re too afraid and too ignorant and too “busy” to stand up and speak out. I always remind people, Martin Luther King Jr. didn’t march with blacks only. There were some whites there, too. The privileged must work with the marginalized. Not in a patronizing manner! In in equity, sharing recognition.

Sometimes I just want to watch junk TV and read romance novels and avoid all the societal issues that make me so frustrated and angry and deeply deeply sad.

Sometimes I just want to rant and rave and march and scream and …

Why? Because the American Dream doesn’t really exist. And we keep lying to ourselves. Because the U.S. is behind (and often far behind) the rest of the world in any kind of life dream. And we keep denying that fact.

The reality in the U.S.? Racism still thrives. (And having a black President doesn’t change our racist history and contemporary racist behavior.) Sexism still thrives. (We’re something like 82nd in the world in the number of women in our federal legislature.) Reproductive justice (Pretty much a joke). Basic human rights like universal healthcare and universal childcare and damn good accessible education — not really. Certainly nowhere as good as most other western nations.

The U.S. being so wonderful and so exceptional…doesn’t much exist. But we keep pretending.

Have you read Nicholas Kristof’s op ed series “When Whites Just Don’t Get It”? Everyone should read this series. Every single teacher in no matter which subject could make students read this series and talk about it.

• When Whites Just Don’t Get It, Part 1
• When Whites Just Don’t Get It, Part 2
• When Whites Just Don’t Get It, Part 3
• When Whites Just Don’t Get It, Part 4

Read “Inequality, Unbelievably, Gets Worse” (Steven Rattner, New York Times, November 16, 2014) Now read Joseph Stiglitz’s “How Inequality Is Killing the American Dream…And What We Can Do About It.” Stiglitz isn’t just ranting. He’s an economist!

I think that the U.S. is broken…very very broken. And there are far too many people who don’t recognize the breaks. There are too many people who think this broken-ness is all about individual responsibility: “Just pull yourself up by your bootstraps, buddy!”

Apparently the conservative industry (and yes, I believe it’s an industry) doesn’t care about achieving anything. The conservative industry wants to break this country even more. I’m tired of a dysfunction government. Shouldn’t that be illegal? Read Charles M. Blow’s “Partisanship Breaks the Government.” 

When will voters realize that “just kicking the current bums out and electing different ones” isn’t actually a meaningful strategy? When will people realize that there is a range of awfulness within the bum continuum. I want the less awful bums when I vote.

When will Americans acknowledge the truth about the failings in this country? When will Americans look to other countries and note some of their greatness — and demand…YES DEMAND…that the U.S. change?

I’m very sad today. Maybe I’ll go read a romance novel.

Oh… I can’t. I have client work to do. Maybe these wonderful philanthropic organizations will make me feel better. They usually do.